My Twitter Secret Shame

My Twitter Secret Shame

I think I’m a cat lady.

An online cat lady, that is.

Hear me out. I don’t actually own any cats, but after scrolling through my 240 likes on Twitter, I now realize that around 3,000 of them are for cats, kittens, and the occasional puppy. I mean, what is up with that? What does that say about me?

Maybe it says that I have too much time on my hands. Because between Twitter and Reddit awww, I probably spend an average of 9000 hours a week looking at pictures and .gifs of cats.

I know what you’re saying. “Wren, why don’t you just get a cat or two? They could help you do math since you seem to suck at it.”

Well, there are perks to getting my cat fix online. I don’t have to buy cat food. I don’t have to scoop litter. I’m not woken up at one o’clock in the morning as a naughty little furball sings the songs of his people outside my door, hoping I’ll wake up and give him a cuddle. I’m not woken up an hour before I’d rather get up either, all so I can feed him breakfast. Also, my legs don’t fall asleep because the fattest cat in the world decided to plop down on my lap and have a snooze.

I don’t have to try to give the sucker a bath, claws and all.

I don’t have to fear a critter walking across my keyboard, deleting my current WIP and every backup.


Cute and cuddly as they are, I think it’s safer NOT to own a cat.